It’s likely you love your significant other and want them to know that you care. However, it’s possible your actions aren’t recognized or appreciated by your partner. This could be because they don’t understand or appreciate the language of love you’re using. A popular “love language” is found in each relationship and is different from the partner’s own.
It can be frustrating when your partner doesn’t understand your love or doesn’t appreciate the things you do for them. Your gestures of love might be misunderstood or unappreciated if you’re in a committed relationship or married. Additional resources suggest that some people express their love through words and others through touch.
The concept of a person showing love through their primary language is what makes someone feel loved according to the Love Languages theory. Understanding your partner’s love language can help you understand their need for affection and how they communicate love.
The Five Love Languages is a book that scientifically explains romantic relationships between couples. Its author, Dr. Gary Chapman, developed the Five Love Languages while studying close relationships between families. The book breaks down how everyone expresses and experiences love. It’s often used as a way to improve communication between partners and their families.
In addition to the five basic love styles identified by Dr. Gary Chapman—romantic, sexual, social, financial and spiritual— relationships also have a primary love style. The most accurate way to understand your partner’s primary love style is to know your own. It also explains what your partner needs from you and why they may not be giving it.
Giving gifts is a way to show love through tangible means rather than verbal expression. People express love through this language by giving keys or pearls to someone. No matter the cost or size, these items convey the same message: someone cares and thinks about them.
Whether you receive pearls on your 30th anniversary representing love or flowers just because they thought of you, the true meaning of gift-giving isn’t extravagance— it’s sentiment. If you give gifts to show your love, you’ll cherish them no matter how small or specific the occasion.
Special occasions such as anniversaries and birthdays are important to your significant other. They’ll be offended if you forget these important events, so make sure never to miss an opportunity to show them your love. Instead of just giving a gift, consider picking out a gift for your wife’s outdoor hobbies. This will show her that you care about her and are aware that she does things besides just hanging out at home.
Serving others inspires me to perform more acts of service
The phrase “actions speak louder than words” derives from the Acts of Service love language. It indicates that the act of service the recipient performs for someone else is far more impactful than any words they may say.
Practicing Acts of Service as your primary love language indicates that you place more value on deeds than words. You probably appreciate all the small acts of kindness your partner performs for you, such as making you a cup of coffee or bringing you a donut when you wake up. Alternatively, they may even serve you breakfast in bed!
Someone with the Gift-Giving love language experiences love through tangible gestures. This person cares about their partner’s feelings by helping them with tasks that need attention. For example, this person might pack their partner’s lunch if they have a busy schedule. Additionally, they might leave a scent on their partner’s pillow or bed to show how much they care.
Consider the positive impact small everyday acts can have on your significant other’s life if you believe their love language is Acts of Service. For example, getting their favorite meal cooked or cleaning their car would brighten their day. Doing these things could also help your partner have a positive workday if they work construction.
Giving a hug, caress or pat on the back releases endorphins in the body that provide a sense of well-being
You value physical affection more than verbal praise or gifts. You’d prefer to be held or cuddled by your loved one. These gestures are incredibly meaningful to you and help you strengthen your bond with them. Your love language is Physical Touch and you’re most inclined to give these kinds of gestures to someone you care about. Touch is incredibly important to you; you need it in order to feel emotionally close to your partner. You value any little touches your spouse gives you, like a kiss after a long day at work. This can help you relax and de-stress after a day of busy work.
When your significant other returns home, display how much you care by giving them a big hug. Randomly hugging, kissing or snuggling up to watch a movie would also demonstrate your love. Additionally, expressing love through physical touch is one of the ways your partner’s love language is expressed.
Words of Affirmation provide encouragement and enthusiasm
Words of Affirmation are positive statements that show your partner how you feel about them. They’re compliments and positive messages meant to encourage and lift your partner’s mood. People with the Words of Affirmation love language might be easily moved by the way their significant other expresses their feelings.
You’d recognize your significant other’s tone of voice the first time you hear it. You’d also notice whenever someone else at work conveyed how his sick mother was doing. Your words matter more than physical objects; you can express how much you love someone by saying “you’re the best” or “I couldn’t have done this without you.” You naturally possess the talent of communication and are adept at providing positive reinforcement with your words. People with this love language typically excel in public speaking; they’re often asked for advice.
A partner’s primary love language is Words of Affirmation. This indicates the most important thing to them in a relationship is being affirmed, accepted and understood. Their primary love language is Words of Affirmation because it makes them feel fulfilled when they are praised; encouraged; and appreciated. It’s important to show your understanding and appreciation by frequently saying “I love you” to your partner.
Quality time refers to the amount of time a person spends with someone
People who use the Quality Time love language prioritize spending time with their partners. They appreciate their significant other’s company even when they’re doing different activities. This person feels most loved when their partner puts forth effort every day to give them their undivided attention. You focus on quality time with your significant other rather than materialism. You enjoy biking, boating, hiking and other activities that involve spending time together. Additionally, receiving gifts or compliments makes you feel inferior and unimportant. Instead, focusing on these activities makes you feel like a special person held in high regard.
Many people find it difficult to actively listen or fully engage when in a modern technological society. This is because many people’s love languages are quality time, which can be disrupted when their partner checks their phone while they’re talking. This may annoy them due to divided attention, which can lead to feelings of rejection.
A partner’s love language is quality time; learn how to show them love through presence by asking thoughtful questions and making eye contact while having a conversation. Additionally, make time solely for the two of you— such as working out together or enjoying a romantic dinner out. And don’t forget to set aside time that’s just for the two of you — anything from a mini-staycation to a romantic evening at home is fine.
Understanding your primary love language is straightforward once you consider what makes you feel the most loved. Do you enjoy affection and positive affirmation? Would you prefer to spend time with your spouse or a good friend? These answers will help you determine your love language. People primarily express love through acts of service. If your significant other cares more about providing than receiving, you may have one of the 16 love languages. When someone swings by Starbucks for a cup of their favorite latte, for instance, they’re showing love in that language.