For marriage, either way: understanding the strengths and weaknesses of your partner can help you find greater comfort in your relationship.
Sometimes you and your significant other wonder why a relationship has to be so hard. You consider your partnership an arduous undertaking when it should be equal. You feel like you’re raising another child instead of a romantic partner when you discuss change. You frequently discuss change but nothing actually changes. Sometimes the things your spouse expects can make you feel guilty when you take care of yourself. Do you have a spouse who thinks they should be getting certain things?
Discover the truth behind these questions by avoiding the drama-filled cul-de-sac.
A marriage should be centered on “for Better or for Worse,” not “For Better or for Best.”
Mentoring couples often wait too long before seeking support. This leads to them accumulating many grievances and hurts that they’ve suffered over a prolonged time frame. Each of them longs to alleviate their pain by sharing their side of the story. By encouraging them to express their struggles, I sometimes ask them how their union would change if it were enjoyable and devoid of strife.
They firmly declare, “That’s how it used to be!”
We believe we’ve committed a wrong by asking this question. We believe we’ve squandered an opportunity to have a “happily ever after.” When we compare ourselves to other couples, we feel like we’ve failed.
Couples ask the wrong questions. We’ve been trained by society and family to be respectful, loving, and non-disinterested. That’s because that’s what everyone else is supposed to be; it’s not what someone who loves someone else is supposed to be.
As imperfect human beings, we continue to evolve, overcome traumas from our past and incorporate new experiences that have helped us to protect ourselves. We require support from each other as we journey through this process.
Longing for a specific partner standardizes disappointment
Early in my marriage, I realized that my husband couldn’t be perfect. As impossible as that sounds, I expected him to be fully present when I was not. Additionally, I expected him to apologize first and be understanding of my feelings. But none of these things were possible due to the fact that I wasn’t. I forced him to be affectionate and loving even when he was tired by holding him emotionally hostage.
Giving something we don’t possess is essential to any positive outcome. This one truth reshaped my entire life and altered my marriage. To win an Olympian competition, a couple must first offer what they desire from each other. Unfortunately, this often happens prior to a relationship’s end.
What I took away from my experience was the understanding that my current bond is much better than it used to be.
To garner attention, I excelled at being a gracious listener.
Showing more compassion and removing any judgments helps me be accepted.
Giving my husband the highest priority in my life was up to me. This is the approach I would’ve taken to make sure that I was a top priority.
I needed him to help me achieve my goals and ventures in return.
When we agree to stay with our spouse “weathering good or bad,” we really don’t expect our bad moments to arrive. After all, weather forecasting is considered an unreliable science. We’ve never faced an experience we consider worse than our current predicament. Therefore, we can’t determine what our future may look like thanks to our ignorance.
Or, are they:
- Or a neatnik or a slob?
- Are they selfless or selfish?
- Or is it a lavish spender or a tight pennypincher?
- Is someone hardworking and driven to pursue a dream or addiction to work and following their dreams?
- How energizing or depressed is a rabbit?
- Someone who tries to find a solution that pleases everyone or someone who leans into conflict?
- Someone who enjoys adventure or watches a lot of Netflix.
The list continues without end.
The illusions of love act as a veil over all our imperfections. We bask in the glow of our partner’s ideal self by loving them.
In the absence of a definitive answer, we must accept that life challenges us with “better or worse.”
It’s hard to find love convenient most of the time.
In order to love someone, we must acknowledge their faults and shortcomings while focusing on their positive traits.
Love can be angry and caring at the same time.
Healthy love requires setting healthy boundaries to develop.
Taking care of oneself as much as one takes care of their significant other is what love means.
Every momentary love choice is made by personal will.
Celebrate and grow with each other as you recognize imperfect love as a celebration.
Healthy relationships require opening up to one another by replacing judgment with curiosity, blame with guilt and demands with kindness. At the same time, people must refrain from expecting things or feeling entitled.
To maintain a romantic marriage, couples require intentional love and dedication.
I’ve enjoyed a healthy and happy marriage for decades; therefore, I can give you advice.
Put trivial matters out of your mind.
Always maintain a close watch on the things you love about your spouse.
Instead of competing with each other, encourage and support each other.
Dating often helps rekindle love.
Mix things up when life becomes mundane.