A Wall Street Journal article written by Elizabeth Bernstein discusses the difficulties of planning a marriage when your spouse doesn’t care about planning. You can see many couples like this in real life, or you may be one of them. Regardless of differences between the spouses, marriage conflicts are a given. One spouse may consider their partner passive-aggressive or a control freak for spontaneous behavior.
Some people may come to resent their spouse for refusing to behave the way they do. This is because many people believe that differing views and behaviors are inherently bad for the relationship. However, if both parties work to understand each other’s flaws, benefits and strengths, the marriage can last.
Different cultures can be honored by successful relationships
It’s not the significant differences between couples that pose a real challenge; it’s how we interact with our differences.
The way we perceive our differences influences our ability to grow and value our relationship over our differences. This affects the way we view our relationship with our significant other.
Great time management and goal-oriented personalities often possess meticulous planners. Due to your traits, you’re often a go-getter and capable of producing results. Additionally, you might not be very adaptable or good at adjusting to changes made out of the blue.
Do you prefer to “wing it” when it comes to your ability? If so, you’re probably exceptional at improvising and taking advantage of opportunities. You’re excited by new experiences and love to be on adventures. But you also have a difficult time sticking to schedules and completing tasks.
Planners, be honest with yourselves when considering your romantic partner. Wasn’t your instinct drawn to their willingness to take risks and explore new ideas? You loved your partner’s pragmatic nature and ability to accomplish so much. How they planned and organized the logistics of traveling was so inspiring to you. As well as how much you loved the adventures your partner is into.
What happened to her?
Differences in opinions and habits can cause couples to become annoyed with one another. They may feel discontent with their significant other because they don’t share the same ideas or hobbies. Instead, people should focus on standing strong in their individualism by leaning on each other instead of trying to fill gaps within themselves.
A person who naturally favors spontaneity may rely too much on their planner when pursuing a social life. Some planners may feel suffocated and confined if their partner easily goes with the flow without much planning. And some couples may find each other’s lack of planning unbearable.
Avoiding entanglements doesn’t mean making your significant other wrong
Invading our partner’s perceived differences entices a fight; instead, we should treat our differences as an opportunity to understand one another. Over time, this leads to weariness and distance between partners. Instead of accepting each other’s differences, we resist them and try to disprove them. This path only reinforces conflict and estrangement between couples.
Isn’t this an ideal opportunity to demonstrate the many talents and special insights we possess?
By learning to accept and understand each other, our differences provide new perspectives that enhance both our lives. We can use these differences to help us develop new skills, work on overcoming unutilized abilities, and make our relationship a dynamic adventure.
Differences in relationship communication can still be smoothed over with understanding
Get curious— this is the first TIP.
Understanding our partner requires us to ask lots of questions about their values and behavior. For instance, why is planning so important to someone who values spontaneity? Or why is improvisation important to someone who values structure? By understanding these concepts, we can better interact with our partner and enjoy them more.
Remember to consider the specific ways your partner’s trait benefits your relationship by thinking of it.
Giving thanks for the gift of the object instead of the irritation it causes helps to shift negative emotions into positive ones. Once our perspective returns, we understand that the giver is not trying to make our life difficult. Instead, their perspective offers us a new way to view the world.
Making time to foster quality friendships is important
When schedules become full, we’re often forced to relay only logistical details or information necessary to keep life running. In stressful situations, our differences often escalate until we find ourselves annoyed with our significant other. If you’re dissatisfied with your partner, chances are that you haven’t spent much time together recently. A couple’s relationship needs regular time together. This can be either relaxing or enjoyable. By doing more of the things that bring them closer, you’ll invest in the relationship.
